World ends at midnight, prepare accordingly

World ends at midnight, prepare accordingly
Posted at 3:55 PM, Sep 21, 2017
and last updated 2017-09-22 05:10:25-04

(RNN) - You have until midnight to get your ducks in a row, because the end of the world is ready to go.

It’s Friday anyway. Leave work early. Skip your workout. Have a big, old hot-fudge sundae and wear your pajamas to the liquor store as the screams and sirens echo down the alleys of the doomed.

Because they shut down the power all along the line, and we’re stuck in the tunnel where no lights shine.

The latest doomsday prophet is some guy called David Meade, and he warns that the winking out of existence won’t be anything as grindingly slow as global warming, nor as awesome as mile-high tsunamis and thousands of spontaneous global volcano explosions.

It won’t even be a a plain, old nuclear cataclysm, though that seems a lot more likely than it used to.

It’s not going to start with an earthquake, no birds and snakes and aeroplanes and Lenny Bruce had better be afraid, because.

No, it’s that darn Nibiru again, aka Planet X, the giant, invisible celestial sphere that NASA and everybody with a telescope says doesn’t exist, but they're all evil lizard demon people and not to be trusted.

Their denials ring hollow against the prophesying of the unhinged Meade, who proclaims himself a Christian, a researcher, and a numerologist. Using some arcane mystic ciphering he has deduced that Niburu will spin up out of the depths of space and slam into Earth, knocking humanity and all its works into the corner pocket of oblivion.

Meade goes on to blather some stuff about a giant woman having a baby on the moon and a dragon with a destroying tail, and I don’t know what all.

But I'm telling you this, you doomsday preppers. All those shipping containers you buried in the wilderness, stocked with bottled water and canned tuna are no good because tis apocalypse won’t leave zombies and smoking rubble, the sun won’t go on shining and the sea won’t rush to the shore, because guess what? It's the end of the world, that's what.

Meade’s commitment to his own prediction is questionable. A radio host tried to book him last Wednesday, and he said he wouldn’t be available until next week.

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