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Happy Fried Chicken Day! Eat fried chicken! That's an order

Happy Fried Chicken Day! Eat fried chicken! That's an order
Posted at 5:28 PM, Jul 05, 2017
and last updated 2017-07-06 04:00:04-04

(RNN) - It's National Fried Chicken Day, today, and every July 6. If you need an excuse to eat fried chicken, you've got it, all day long. 

July 6 was chosen as the day for this holiday because the magical alignment of the sun, moon, stars, Earth and some other things make fried chicken have zero calories, sodium, saturated fat, cholesterol or anything bad. It is the nutritional equivalent of kale, quinoa, blueberries, dark chocolate and egg yolks. Slam a couple of thighs and a wing and you will glow with health and be able to beat Michael Phelps in the 200-meter fly.

If you have allergies, tendonitis, hangnails, blurry vision or a nagging headache, today, a piece of fried chicken will heal you, and the more you eat, the more well you will become.

Also, if you are a jerk and nobody likes you, buy them some fried chicken and they will like you for the rest of your life; you will become a nicer person through the magic of National Fried Chicken Day.

If you are vegan, today and today only, chicken does not count as meat. If you do not believe this, at least please keep that you are a vegan to yourself until July 7. It would be nice if you never told us you're a vegan again, but that's not going to happen.

If you don't like fried chicken, go back to Russia.

If you can't eat fried chicken, or just won't feel right about yourself if you do, at least look at the slideshow of fried chicken. It's the next best thing, a very, very distant second.

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