TALLAHASSEE, FL - Teen Talk this Monday on Sunrise.
Bullying is a major problem for grade school students and many parents don't know how to help.
Family Therapist Jane Marks answers a question by a concerned parent and talked about how parents can react to this serious issue.
Teen Talk: Middle School Mean Girls
Question: This last year has been extremely difficult for my sixth grader. She has had to deal with mean girls all year spreading malicious rumors. During the summer I want to prepare her for next year so that she has more confidence in problem solving so can you give us some pointers about dealing with mean girls and how to handle mean girl situations? I think this will be helpful for most parents. It certainly was a struggle for my family, particularly with the social media aspect.
Answer: Unfortunately for a lot of parents this has become an issue which young teens have to learn to navigate. We want to teach our girls not only problem solving but how to handle situations with dignity and to try and not respond on the same level. So where do you begin?
1. First, start by HAVING THE CONVERSATION on a regular basis. Talking and listening is key in handling a situation of this nature because most teen girls need a safe place to talk. Unfortunately it may be a daily issue to have to navigate.
2. Help your daughter SEE BEHIND THE FAÇADE. Much of the behavior of young girls perpetrated by other young girls at this age is a desperate attempt to remain popular or in the light. Too often it is rooted in insecurity and promoting self-attention. Much of this behavior is based on insecurity, anxiety, depression and a lot of time when kids have an understanding of this they are less affected by this behavior. Mean girls hope to get reaction because they thrive on making others feel bad. Do not become upset, insult or start crying, this will just provoke further cruelty.
3. TALK ABOUT FRIENDSHIP AND WHAT IT REALLY MEANS. Most friends don't participate in this kind of behavior. They nurture, encourage, and celebrate successes with you, and not try to pull you down, although that is a common response.
4. THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN DISCIPLINE AND PATIENCE. It takes discipline not to retaliate. It takes discipline to refrain from acting mean in return, and so we talk about this a being a character building response.
5. ENCOURAGE YOUR DAUGHTER TO SURROUND HERSELF WITH FRIENDS who think similar to her or not only think but act like she does. If you have friends that are encouraging and don't participate in this kind of behavior, you have numbers and when you surround yourself with people like yourself, usually you can withstand this kind of behavior.
6. Remember, another point is that PEOPLE WHO PARTICIPATE IN THIS TYPE OF BEHAVIOR CHOOSE TO DO SO. You want to teach your child to pursue positive behavior. If you choose this kind of negative behavior you are making people feel rejected or unloved, so you are creating negative feelings for other people.
7. MAKE SURE YOUR DAUGHTER KNOWS THAT SHE IS LOVED for who she is and that she should focus on things that make her special rather than what mean girls are saying.
8. With teen girls, when a situation continues more than once or twice, ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD TO TALK TO THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR at school because this behavior typically goes on in schools.
9. COACH YOUR DAUGHTER TO NOT MIRROR THEIR BEHAVIOR by becoming angry, upset, insulting or starting to cry. This seems to provoke cruelty in mean girls who are hoping to get a reaction. So be careful about feeding into it.
10. ALSO POINT OUT TO YOUR TEEN THAT IT IS NOT HER FAULT. Teens who are participating in this kind of behavior are typically depressed or angry so make sure to tell your teen it is not her fault.
11. PARENTS, EXAMINE YOUR FEELINGS AND TRY NOT TO TAKE THIS PERSONALLY. Remember your job as a parent is to guide your teen through this process, and while it may be difficult and painful for you, the best bet is to learn as much about this behavior as possible.
This is part of the journey of nurturing your daughter through new age adolescence.
