TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (WTXL) - This week's "Teen Talk" focuses on advice for parents when it comes to teens who may be dealing with feelings of isolation.
WTXL contributor and family therapist Jane Marks:
First of all, freshmen in high school very often feel self-conscience; self-criticism, awkward in social settings and many of our teenagers experience low self-esteem either because of body size, body type, some issues of confidence. Step one would be to say to your child is that many of the feelings they are experiencing this year are normal for their age and for where they are.
1. Stay positive. Role modeling positive responses to new experiences is extremely important for children because they need to witness this kind of behavior on a regular basis, particularly when they experience these kinds of self-awareness issues.
2. It is important to praise any significant skill sets he may have. For example, if he is extremely bright or if he is compassionate with animals, or if he has wonderful taste in music, if he is funny, a comedian, make sure that you stress the importance of these strengths.
3. Encourage your son, in addition to the soccer, to find any other group experiences that he might enjoy. For example, a computer group, or a theatre group where he might participate in building sets, not necessarily performing. Another way to fit in is to take chances or take risk with hobbies, hopes, and fashion. Don't be afraid to look unusual. Stand out in a crowd.
4. One of the things that I think has been effective is to find an additional role model outside of the family. Sometimes an older, positive male role model, who doesn't live in your house, can often times mentor a young man like this by talking about his own experiences. A positive role model can help boost his feelings about himself. Often times as parents, we inadvertently communicate our opinions of what a child should and should not do and often times this erode self-esteem.
5. Practical strategies for fitting in should include encouraging your teen to be kind to everyone. Also, have patience with people who are different than you. Some of them are just like you, they just don't put language on it.
6. Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and give reassurance.
7. As a parent you can teach a young person how to read social situations. Teach them how to pick up on social cues. Learn how to stay away from situations where it may present a problem for them.
8. Never compare your child's progress to other people's standards. For example, often times parents will say, "Why don't you be more like?", in other words, don't compare your insides to other people's outsides. Your child is unique and has a lot to offer.
9. Teach basic social skills. Some youngsters need help with basic greeting skills, how to walk into a situation and connect. How to even say, "hi, what's up, or give me a hug", all of these things require sorting out.
Watch Teen Talk every other Monday at 6:30am on WTXL's Sunrise.
